Bathroom Debacles

Alright. I don't know who's idea this was, but an aging bladder, not to mention bladder control, is NOT funny.

I live in a townhome, that has one bathroom. It's on the upper level. If I'm in the family room, or am doing laundry, I have to climb 2 flights of stairs to use the bathroom. About half of the time, I don't realize I need the bathroom until I stand up. Then, when I'm about half way there my bladder starts to talk to me. That's right. It talks. And can I just say this: It has no sense of humor, or tact.

I'll be up the first flight of stairs, and half way across the kitchen when it starts out slow, and quiet. "You're not going to make it. We're going to embarrass ourselves." That's always encouraging. Then, when I get to the bottom of the second flight of stairs, it raises it's voice a little and there's a sense of urgency coming from it. "You aren't in good enough shape to run up this flight. You might as well have grabbed the mop when you went by it!" or, my personal favorite "Well. You should just be thankful that no one is visiting. At least you're alone. Of course, anyone could come walking in at any time. I'm just sayin'."

I have other problems in the bathroom that are completely unrelated to my bladder.


Like, putting on make up. I have one big mirror hanging over the vanity. Then I have a medicine cabinet on the wall next to that, hanging over the side of the vanity. Now, when I was about 10 I got my first pair of glasses. I'm nearsighted. I'm so nearsighted that 40 years later, if the object I'm trying to focus on, without my glasses, needs to be about 4 inches from my face. That means that I have to fold my body in half and rest the upper part on the vanity, to use the big mirror, or I have to twist my body at the waist AND lean to the left, but just from the waist up. Either way, I'm ready for traction long before I'm done putting on makeup.

I get mascara under my lower lid and my eye shadow, which is a powder, ends up sprinkled across my cheek. My eyebrow pencil ends up highlighting areas where eyebrows never grew. If I use the big mirror I stand up after and realize I have to change my shirt because I haven't cleaned the bathroom yet and that little bit of toothpaste that ended up on the vanity is now on my shirt. Whitening it. Forever. If I use the little mirror on the medicine cabinet I can't do anything else for the rest of the day because I've put my back out.


In other words, if I haven't made my bed, cleaned the bathroom, washed the dishes I didn't do the night before, swept the kitchen floor, picke up the living room and done a load or two of laundry BEFORE I put my makeup on, I will get nothing done all day. The only problem with that is that by the time I do that, and make dinner and clean it up, it's time for bed, and it would just be silly to put on makeup. It's quite the dilemma.

Of course, the perfect solution would be to move into a rambler, and have lasic surgery done. Too bad I hate to move! I'll cover lasic surgery at a later date.